Am I going Mad?

” I just love rebirthing. It is a phenomenal tool which, when used by a skilled professional, leads to profound changes in a short time. In my first sessions, events relating to my birth came up over and over again. Breathwork took me on an emotional rollercoaster, yet it was extraordinarily liberating. With each experience, more healing occurred. Even the recurring neck and shoulder problems that kept taking me to the chiropractor eventually healed.

I had never realised until I did this work how closely linked spiritual development and bodywork are. In other words, the body is our link to spirit and vice versa, and our physical birth is the doorway between these two realms. It stands at the interface of personal and transpersonal material, and draws from both, giving us conscious access to the realm of archtypes. Healing the traumas sustained during physical birth has an impact on all areas of life. This concept has been well documented by Stanislav Grof and matches my personal observations. “

This excellent testimonial of the power of breathwork by Marlyse Carroll from her book ‘Am I going Mad?’ supports my own experience of exploring Rebirthing.

Marlyse lives in Victoria, AUSTRALIA – check out her site here : http://www.amigoingmad.com.au/

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I came into recovery from active addiction in 1982 after a deathly diagnosis of chronic active hepatitis B virus from the hospital and began the process of staying alive ahead of the grim reaper.

You can imagine how difficult it was to find information before the internet so trawling self help bookshops and health food stores became the norm. Eventually I found out about REBIRTHING watching a TV programme on alternative therapies in Australia in 1987, where I had been granted residency, but sadly had to come home to the UK after just a 3 month stay in Sydney because medical costs became beyond my financial realm. Back in hospital yet again in the UK with liver failure I searched for a Rebirther in London and after almost a year found one.

So 6 years clean of drugs, alcohol and nicotine and a constant search of alternative therapies, I proceeded to embark upon a life saving journey using some very strange breathing on the floor. I had done worse things in stranger places so fear left me immediately, and after 10 minutes or so realised I had come home to a deeper spiritual source – breath itself.

The first session’s impact was nothing compared to later breathes but enough to say that I had found the diamond in the rough, and it shone brightly with hope. After the fifth weekly session I had the most unusual sensation and so concerned was I that I called the hospital. In 1982 I was on the original human interferon drug trial, everyone on it, all 30, died except me, so I was monitored for years. I had chronic active Hepatitis which means that I reinfected myself with Hepatitis every 6 weeks, 6 weeks with it, 6 weeks without it. ‘Come to the hospital now’, they said and do bloods, then I came home after they examined the liver area which now had embraced a surge of heat and itching. By the time I got home there was an answer-phone message from the Professor ” Come back straight away – your liver function has returned to normal! – and we don’t know how you have done it.

So an hour later in a room full of housemen and 2 Professors I am duplicating a Rebirthing breathe.

They left astonished. Shaking heads.

My experienced LRT Rebirther had concluded that the 6 week period of Hepatitis was the same length of time that I spent in an incubator. Twice. I was five weeks premature and my father delivered me on the kitchen table after my 17 year old mother had a 10 minute labour. He ran to the hospital and within the hour I was wired up. At 6 months old I went blue with meningitis on the spine and went back into another incubator for 6 weeks. Surviving death twice in the first year.

You’re getting it aren’t you?

So I worked through the first incubator with my first rebirther.

After this breakthrough I got Hepatitis every 6 months, instead of every 6 weeks, for the next 6 years. In 1995 I went down with Hepatitis A & B together for the first time, went into hospital for a month and doctors told me I had changed DNA and lost the active part of the virus with no medical cure available, just breathwork and constant emotional work on self over a 7 year period. I still have chronic hepatitis in my body and have to monitor it but no outbreaks of Hep since then, just honouring the body when it needs balance, sleep and good healthy food.

Sondra Ray asked me why I was addicted to near death situations – alcoholism, drug addiction, meningitis, hepatitis and personal financial, emotional and spiritual bankruptcy.

“Get off it” she bellowed and realise that you have achieved Mastery, you don’t need to keep repeating the pattern. After indentifying, then relinquishing the addiction to hospitals, disappointment, struggle and survival – I healed myself  – setting myself free. Freedom from active addiction in 1982 & freedom from Hepatitis in 1995. We do recover.

Doctors say I remain the longest survivor of chronic active Hep B virus in the UK, if not beyond. Why argue with that? Total madness.

Om Namaha Shivaya

http://www.britishlivertrust.org.uk/home/the-liver/liver-diseases/hepatitis-b.aspx

http://www.britishlivertrust.org.uk/home/health-professionals/literature-for-professionals/a-professionals-guide-to-hepatitis-b.aspx

Love & pain & the whole damn thing

” In the quest for wholeness, paradox is at every turn. It is true that we cannot realise our wholeness as long as we deny any fragment of ourselves. If we seek to avoid fear or pain or sadness, we will simultaneously block the love and joy and laughter from our awareness. That pain, fear or sadness contains great stores of energy, which can be released for potent creative and constructive use only after it is consciously felt and thus allowed to integrate. A truly healthy person, one who has power over themselves and their own life, is courageous enough to become willing to experience whatever life has in store. “

I read these words by Christina Thomas in 1989 when I was once again in liver failure, back in hospital and losing the plot. Christina is a Rebirther and student of A Course In Miracles ( ACIM ) and since Rebirthing Breathwork had halted progression of chronic active Hepatitis B for me, I was eager to enter the unknown to seek solution. I was in emotional turmoil, a close friend had been murdered the year before, the loss of people around me dying from Aids was approaching 50 people and there was no cure for my Hep B condition. I felt slain in more ways than one, yet I had stayed stopped from smoking, drinking and drugging for 7 years, so something was working. I had halted relationships as all I attracted was people who thought I was brave, and did nothing to meet my emotional needs or just smothered me with their own fear of me dying. The only relationship I was interested in was within my body and the spiritual strength to survive it.

Recognising my wholeness – warts n all – was my saviour. I may have felt damaged but knew that feelings weren’t facts – the body is only casement for the soul. It was at this point that I found, was given, or came across the affirmation ” God is my business Manager “.

Having had good instruction since 1982 in 12 Step Programme Recovery work I had blown away all the religious cobwebs associated with ” god stuff “. Thankfully I was not brought up a catholic or another dominating religion, so I could free spirit ” my god “. In the end I chose Babaji who entered my life in 1988, reading about Leonard Orr, Sondra Ray and Rebirthing Breathwork. That sat with me well and I have not altered this vision over 20 years later.

One of the lessons in ACIM is ” I will stand back and let him lead the way ” and when you are on deaths door that feels apt, in my experience. The big problem occurs when we have recovered, when the creative mind is once again alert to ego demands like making up for lost time. These days I am no longer dazed by circumstance but amazed by results. When I focus on MY part in the great jigsaw of life, all is well. In order to develop ongoing recovery one learns to face everything rather than sweep under the carpet of fear. This sense of wholeness is as refreshing as completing a whole bunch of paperwork for the accountant or finally clearing out that cupboard. It is a paradox that in order to accept my wholeness I need to accept my flaws – the loves, the pains and the whole damn thing. This is true spiritual embrace, a detox of the ego.

You may want to consider today how you ask for help and who you turn to and whether self punishment is still part of your inner curriculum. Self punishment is simply suicide compared to the pains that life throws at us. At least with life pains we can learn. Just think how fast the last two years have passed. Two years ago recession was feared, the worst since the depression. In retrospect we have all learnt something from this period of global cutback including the harsh reality that we have more than we need around us – should we seek it – that old habits can be changed and that confronting the worst, the death of something actually breeds life, energy and hope.

Inner Body Awareness

” Another simple but highly effective way of finding space in your life
is closely linked to the breath.

You will find that by feeling the subtle flow of air in and out of the body as well as the rise and fall of your chest and abdomen, you are also becoming aware of the inner body.
Your attention may then shift from the breath to that felt aliveness within you, diffused throughout the body.

Most people are so distracted by their thoughts, so identified with the voices in their heads, they can no longer feel the aliveness within them.

To be unable to feel the life that animates the physical body, the very life that you are, is the greatest deprivation that can happen to you.
You then begin to look not only for substitutes for that natural state of well-being within, but also for something to cover up the continuous unease that you feel when you are not in touch with the aliveness that is always there but usually overlooked.


Some of the substitutes people seek out are drug-induced highs, sensory over-stimulation such as excessively loud music, thrills or dangerous activities, or an obsession with sex.
Even drama in relationships is used as a substitute for that genuine sense of aliveness. The most sought after cover-up for the continuous background unease are intimate relationships : a man or a woman who is going to ” make me happy “. It is, of course, also one of the most frequently experienced of all ” letdowns ” . . . and when the unease surfaces again, people will usually blame their partner for it. ” Eckhart Tolle

When I first came to Breathwork books and groups in the late Eighties, I kept hearing this word that meant nothing to me : Aliveness. The word provoked very little excitement.
For most of my life I lived on the percentage that kept me alive and in survival, I had no idea that life was never meant to be a struggle. I had no idea that I had no inner body awareness except via pain. When I was in physical or emotional discomfort my body responded just to remind me it was still there, but ALIVENESS? – no way, Jose.

Rebirthing Breathwork has been described as a spiritual hoover, cleaning the past, vibrating the soul and attuning feelings and emotions for release, past and present. It offers a facility to experience inner peace that matches floating freely in the womb, a return to a memory of protective order, change and that first breath – ALIVENESS! The first experience of CHANGE. The process is so powerful that I challenged and changed incurable Chronic Active Hepatitis B Virus in my body to cured – simply by breathing it out. On my 5th session of breathwork I had a burning sensation around my waist in the liver area that would not erase and since I was on the original human Interferon drug trial in 1982 to find a cure for chronic active Hep B (which leads to cirrhosis and liver failure), I was carefully monitored by the research unit of The Royal Free Hospital Hampstead in London and allowed to appear at the Hospital Research Unit at any time, without appointment, if anything unusual occurred. They took bloods and rang me at home that evening – ” what have you been doing? – your liver function test has come up NORMAL! “.
The next day I scurried back to Hampstead in a room of a dozen doctors staring at me as I explained Rebirthing Breathwork. You have done what a 5 Million £ project has failed to do. This was a referral to that original 1982 trial – I was one of the 10 people on human Interferon. 9 died within a year – I was the only one that survived, even though the drug did not work for any of us.

I did not need ALIVENESS explaining to me any longer – I had experienced it, and had been reminded that my quest to leave my body had ended, via a journey of near death at birth, meningitis on the spine at 6 months and alcoholism, drug addiction, chronic active Hep B Virus and Cirrhosis of the Liver as an adult. If you come to one of my Seminars you will hear this story in full and how after 8 years of breathwork I created anti-bodies in my body to sero convert to full health – I will tell you how I did it.