Chaos Living

Chaotic living comes from chaotic mindsets, so unravelling your mind is a good place to start on the road to balanced thinking. People with addictive personalities do like to cram it in. When they go bang at it, something has to give, and it’s usually a balanced mind. In order to correct chaos living you first need to own it, and just because people who surround you are doing it too, does not mean that you will manage it as well as others. It all depends on your awareness and game-plan.
Chaos Living is an ability, and a desire not to confront – which in time becomes a disability.
Coupled with PROCRASTINATION, serial escape tactics and a hard drive for approval – the destination is likely to be RESCUE ME! . . . and a codependent ambulance friend is always at hand to hear your woes. They love hearing that record. They need you. They enable you. A true friend rarely enables you to continue an abuse pattern.
Not confronting anger, rejection and betrayal in relationships is just a starter for denial. Not confronting credit card debt, overdrafts and cashpoint withdrawl is the seed for future financial pain. It is also sad to witness relationships that should have ended long ago but remain held together by debt, one staying just to get money back loaned in the heady daze of romantic capture. It happens. Saying NO to partners, family or friends is difficult ( they may not like me ), as the word YES goes on automatic pilot, when you really meant NO.
John Bradshaw called the core of codependency ” toxic shame “ and codependency is the core of all addictions. Chaos living is always about shame. If your life is chaotic use the Highway code – Stop, Look & Listen. STOP thinking you can sort it alone, LOOK at why you have created this and LISTEN to your emotions other than fear, crisis & panic that keeps you in your body. You may need to do a bit of searching but peace, harmony and plenty of time for eveything is in there somewhere.
Chaos living is an empty drawer of underwear or emails not deleted. I suggest you take one night off a week to simply potter around doing all the things you meant to do. Confront it.
The reason that many take facebook suicide is that they can’t cope with a constant mammoth INBOX pile of unread, unwanted invites so my tip is to confront the back log each day for a short time until you see the light. DELETE, Delete, delete. Do the same with your phone and all your email addys. An untidy inbox is like a drawer with no pants in except the pair you never wear. You meant to do the laundry but somehow . . .
I know it’s tedius but having food in the fridge helps. Get into the habit of stocking up instead of staring at dried pasta and a tin of tomatoes. Getting ahead is essential to enjoy saner leisure weekends because the party of reward is lighter than the party of guilt.
So this weeks healing task is to check your weekend, check your phone is charged, check the fridge and check your state of mind. Then check your Bank & CC statements. Confront the worst, the feeling will surprise you. Then prepare to party on. ABUNDANCE comes in many forms, like BREATHING. Remember to BREATHE.

The Elephant In the Room

It’s easy to think that we need to ” go away ” in order to find ourselves, to sort ourselves out, to find solace. This kind of thinking has kept the Holistic Spa industry going for years. Glossy pics on internet travel sites are one click away from serenity, such is the lure for escape and instant gratification when exhaustion strikes. These commercial dealers offering hot stones, soft white towels and silence by the pool are as enticing for work addicts as a dealer is for junkies and we fall for it every time.

The problem is not where we are running ” to” but what we are running ” from ” but when the going gets tough the quick fix trip hits the vein of relief.

Treatment Centres call this ” doing a geographical “. In fairness it usually applies to people who winge about where they are now, and up-sticks for a new start elsewhere, taking themselves and their problems with them.

Drunks, as example, are very good at this, not that they have ” a problem ” of course – they just ” enjoy ” a drink and everyone’s on their back. They just chose the wrong job, wrong partner or wrong flatmate so you can understand why taking a massive leap of anger somewhere is so thrilling after all that victimhood. Been there – done it myself – until the blame game had to stop. For people who use alcohol or substances moderately this may not make sense but replace alcohol with WORK and you get the gist. More people are addicted to a work identity than drunks to alcohol. It becomes who they are.

Getting away from work pressure is easy when you know how, but you may not know that YOU could be the elephant in the room, the problem no one talks about to your face. Our own defects of character pale into comparison with everyone else’s but until we check out OUR emotional obstacles we shall forever remain the bitch in Accounts, the boss that doesn’t listen and the loner at lunch. Like a man in a bad wig it’s unlikely anyone will tell you.

It is so very wrong to consider therapy in a CRISIS – you don’t rush to the gym in a crisis, you have a routine for it and so it is with life management. Finding time out for self repair is essential in this fast moving internet age. When no-one wants to socialise with you after work it’s either because you are still at work and can’t leave or your workaholicism is breeding more personality defects, the ones all can see except the culprit. The problem may be that you ” enjoy ” work too much. Fear is a great leveller when it comes to job loss projection, even more so now in world recession, so all the more reason to ” get away ” to a space of strength, to recover lost positivity and end fearful projections. Office life is like a zoo and elephants abound. Don’t bring domestic issues into the workplace, don’t tell anyone about your salary rise, don’t take too long for lunch and don’t  . .

Rules and secrets abound so the urge to OM in India, to be draped in toweled robes after a mud bath is soothingly attractive after a shit week but a crap day can be turned around in 10 minutes if you seek it. TRY THIS.

Working too hard?  Go for a walk. Call a friend. Find a Park. Find a bench. Look up at the sky. Find trees. You don’t need to go far. Buy a bag of chips. Walk toward water. Sit with eyes closed and breathe deeply. This easy stuff gets buried in the mayhem.

Or go to the Zoo, find the Elephant House and ponder on what’s off-track.