The Love Guru

” Some people mistakenly think that if you have a guru or a master, then you have to give your power away. In my experience, nothing could be farther from the truth.


My experience is that the master helps us to achieve our own power and stand on our own two feet; and this happens as fast as you can take it. In the presence of a master we are able to touch our own wholeness and our own perfection faster. As you get closer to the master, you find less of him and more of yourself. The guru is the mirror. Only in this case, it might feel like you see yourself magnified times one thousand or more. It can be very intense, ” You have to face yourself like never before “

from Sondra Ray’s book PURE JOY


Sondra Ray became a master to me  in 1988 when I first encountered the Loving Relationship Training ( LRT ) Breathwork & Coaching Programme in London & Madrid and also for many years after this first encounter. As a Rebirthing Breathwork pioneer she handed down her craft for the benefit of others. Along the way I encountered other mentors who encouraged me to find my own route and my own authenticity and not one said I must follow THEIR doctrines and their practices. Over a 20 year period I have come to believe that surrender is a passionate act of  service.

To surrender the ego to mastery of any kind is sacred. To surrender the notion that you don’t know everything is a joy to behold, instead of holding shame that the ego desires you have, for knowing less. Making mistakes then becomes an amusement instead of forming personal attack in your learning laboratory. You ARE good enough to question, and in my questioning I found myself not to be a disciple but a Master within myself. Sondra offered me the courage to search and breathe toward my own sense of mastery.

Being in therapy or in recovery is uncomfortable. The challenge of looking in a real mirror in front of you and reciting loving affirmations is more than difficult for most, and certainly was for me, in my quest for stemming self harm. I tried many seminars, workshops and self help processes.

One of the most testing ( . . . and I attended at least 3 of these ) was an Enlightenment Intensive lasting 3 days facing another person for 16 hours a day. When facing the person they ask you only one question ” WHO ARE YOU “. In response for 5 mins non stop you answer ” I AM . . . “( followed by a thought, fact or statement about yourself ). There is no discussion, the partner only acknowledges a thank you. In order to facilitate this process the intensive is residential where you are fed on healthy digestable food and 8 hours sleep. You do nothing but the process of sharing, surrendering and being. Every hour you walk in silence for 15 mins before returning to the I AM process for the remaining 3 days. This cleansing can place you in a shamanic trance of clarity and emotional release for healing.

Bob Mandell, co-author of BIRTH & RELATIONSHIPS with Sondra Ray said ” the only guru you need are the results in your life “. This simplicity will tell you what to work on next and whether your present circumstances are a mirror to your inner self. Is it an automatic love you have for yourself? Do you begrudge the flaws you see in the mirror or simply smile at their presence? Do you practice self harming behaviors? Finding a teacher, a coach, a mentor, a sponsor or a therapist is an admission that you require help and an act of surrendering to Win – not surrendering to lose.

Who is your master and who are the apprentices you mentor? What do you pass down to others in search of mastering living sanely in this world? Questions, questions, questions.

Now consider the answers.


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