38 years ago on October 26 1982, I woke to the reality of a relapse weekend. I was one of 10 on the first ‘Human Interferon Drug Trial’ in the UK to cure incurable chronic active Hepatitis B virus. The other 20 on the trial were on another drug on low hopes or a placebo. We drew straws to find which we would be on. I had been 14 months sober in a 12 Step Programme for alcoholism ( as I had cirrhosis of the liver I attended – but ironically not caused by alcohol abuse ) but not clean of recreational drugs and on that last weekend of that arduous, unforgiving, 3 month intense trial I relapsed on alcohol, recreational drugs and resentment.
Acting out my unknown sabotage pattern.
They pumped me and 9 others with the maximum dose my body could stand for 3 months every other day. A nightmare. It didn’t work, cirrhosis continued and the other 9 died within 18 months. I didn’t and left standing but monitored for 14 years as the liver worsened. The good news is after a past life breakthrough I released the virus and cirrhosis myself using Conscious Connected Breathwork in 1996. NEVER GIVE UP.
Fuelled with shame, anger, yet relief that I had accepted finally I was an addict, I never went to rehab, and with the unbridled support, love, experience, strength and hope within another 12 Step Programme centring on addiction – I am still clean today without a relapse. NEVER GIVE UP.
I didn’t t hold a 5 year plan, I didn’t aim for 38 years, just the next 24 hours clean of alcohol, narcotics and other unprescribed prescription drugs. I had a valium habit for 17 years using 3 doctors that never knew about the other two. You couldn’t buy them off the internet in those days. I trembled, shook and barely slept well for 5 weeks in withdrawal but I made it. NEVER GIVE UP. Very important to seek medical advice on giving up or cutting down though.
Reach out. This year and next will bring untold issues and pressure’s in our lives, do check out many facilities for mental health and addictions recovery, 12 steps is just one, many other options are available. I offer recovery coaching for alcohol & drug issues I call ‘purposeful using’ part of a harm reduction process. Throw shame and pride to the wall, ask for help and NEVER GIVE UP asking for it. Sometimes it’s just about timing or talking about the problem to someone who has been there and come out the other side.